Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
