You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
