sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
