I wanna bring you to show and tell
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
