butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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