Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
