the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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