You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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