your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
