Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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