I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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