I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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