You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
