Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
