He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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