My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
