Is it normal to miss your booty call?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
