My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
