defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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