worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
