If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
