i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would fuck him just for his dog
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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