Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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