um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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