Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
