Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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