3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
