You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
