so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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