Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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