Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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