I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
