Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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