Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
