he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
