my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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