Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize