google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
