The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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