Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
