i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
