We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
false alarm. still invincible.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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