before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
