Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
