There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
