the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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