if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
