the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
