So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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