I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
