I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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