the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
