Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
