sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
