This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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