I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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