The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
