Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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