Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
