I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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