I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
