He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
