Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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