this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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