so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
