I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
