ugly people sure do ruin things
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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