STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
