i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
