C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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