the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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