she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
