Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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