how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
