My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
