he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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