She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
