I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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