it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
