I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
